when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we're so committed to being not committed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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