.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's blow job season.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
