The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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