It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
