News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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