Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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