My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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