I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
