his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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