I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So. Much. Porn.
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