Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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