FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
