I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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