DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
