One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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