Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
