He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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