On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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