Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
