Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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