I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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