just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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