That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
