Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
