I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize