Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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