i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
