So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
