So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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