hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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