Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
