It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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