Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
