Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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