I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize