Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
