I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
