Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
