there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
