is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
