I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize