my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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