i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
