I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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