It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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