Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
