Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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