Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
