i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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