And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
