I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
