My underwear smells like fireworks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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