where does the pee come out of this thing
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
