The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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