did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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