I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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