Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
