walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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