The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
