guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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