Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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