last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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