Just cropdusted the office
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
