see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
