Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
