who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
