thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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