Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
