he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
