I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
