for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
