Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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